Hi folks,
Its been a while we haven't got a chance to share a new thought. Wish you all in good health.
I am right now spending my sabbatical leave in Bristol, United Kingdom. I will be here until December 2013 doing my research on inclusive education. But that's not the point that I would like to share this time. But to something else that I had never have the thought about it at all before. But when I have gone through right now it really opens up my conscious mind.
Being away gives me some precious moments to think and consider something not really like before. Considering our new life in the grave reminds me how the situation is going to be in terms of our relationships with our relatives, friends and others. Now it is quite similar the way it affects us. It also reminds me to the day when my father passed away, and ironically again I was here in Bristol. I know he passed away but there's nothing much I can do about. After a long discussion with my brothers and sisters and my mom they agreed if I don't comeback for the funeral. It was thousands of kilometres that separated me from my father and even if managed to get a plane to attend his funeral the time is already passed.
The same way now when during my absence a lot of things happened at my home. I have to deal with it through my wife and of course it is through phone. As a result there was nothing much I can do about it in resolving all the problems that my wife were facing right now. You know it happens, you know the best way how to deal with it but you can't do much about it as you are far away from where the problems were occurred. Similarly I think the same scenario is happening during our absence because of death where we were separated by two completely different world. Initially we know that this thing is happening and that things is going to happen and most importantly we know how to deal with it to solve it but the situation does not allow you to be presence. That could be the reasons I think why now people cried when they were facing the moment of truth - the death.
Just to share some thoughts which I hope gives strength to us especially me in facing the situation. One thing for sure which I think has to be shared equally too is that times past never be repeated. Once it passed it passed.
May my journey this time will infuse me with new understandings about life.
I wish I will be given a chance to witness my children finishing their formal education, get a job, having family and kids and that I think is the best moment in our life as a parent witnessing all those by our presence. Witnessing to all our efforts bringing them up from the moment they were born as a successful parent or otherwise. Merciful Allah Almighty in fulfilling His servant's wish. Amin.
Hmmm...that's all for now.
Thank you.
Thursday, 31 October 2013
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
BOSSY CHILD
Hi all,
I was struck by a case of my friend whose son was involved in accident recently. To me it is not about the accident that I am concern about but more to how it happened from the beginning.
To my eye it is a problem of educating the child. Let me give you an example how this thing can develop.
"Mommy! I want chicken rice for my dinner."
"Mommy! I want burger king for my lunch."
As normal reactions there are two situations really can happen:
1. The mother will go and buy for the child while the child stay at home and wait for the food.
2. The mother together with the child go out and buy the food and let the child do the order.
It look simple but the effect of the responses are different. The first one can slowly develop what so called a "bossy" child. In this situation the mother perhaps assumed that by buying the food for her child will eased the dinner or lunch preparation but in the long run it could develop negative attitude like being bossy. The second one however able to convey the message that the decision and the action of buying the food is a collective job. In fact in the long run it can foster the family ties firmly.
Perhaps this thing happening as the time goes by in our family without we realising it. Be careful because the single act or decision can creates something terrible in future!!!!!!!
Today I would like to share with you five suggestions by Judsen Culbreth, former editor-in-chief of “Parent & Child” and “Working Mother,” and conducts workshops for parents how to deal with such behaviour:
1. Unite and Conquer.
Strong-willed kids are often unusually bright, gifted and creative. Their parents need to be especially thoughtful and on their toes, ready and willing to actively manage them. Otherwise, youngsters — even toddlers — will sense an opening. “Bossy kids tend to work more on the mother,” notes Barkley. “It’s important for both parents to be mindful of their child’s trigger points, to agree on key rules, and to back each other up.”
2. Say “Yes” When You Can.
Children do not learn in a stressful, angry atmosphere. Before change can take place, family feuding needs to be defused. Evaluate sources of conflict. Kids tend to dig in and act defiant when their parents over-control them, telling them exactly what to wear and eat, for example.”
Be calm and firm about fewer family rules,” suggests Barkley. “If your child wants yogurt for breakfast but you’ve made pancakes, let it go once in a while.” It’s a matter, he says, of “prioritizing the nos.”
3. Pay Attention.
Studies show that demanding and defiant kids receive less affection and positive acknowledgement — and more punishment — than compliant kids. Withdrawing from a small tyrant is a parent’s natural response, but it feeds the child’s fears, resulting in more attempts at control. Kids need to experience their parents’ love in concrete ways so they’ll feel safe enough to relax.”
When I give her my full attention for at least 20 minutes a day, Mary Beth is very attuned to me,” says Jill White. “That’s when I can get her to think and compromise. Recently I told her, ‘We have a problem. You like to pick out your clothes, but I want to decide what you wear to church. What should we do?’ On her own, she suggested Mary Beth days and Mommy days.”
4. Make Respect Reciprocal.
Exquisite manners are essential for family diplomacy. Modeling “please” and “thank you,” and showing a child by example how to suggest and request rather than bark orders, preserves everyone’s ego. It also builds the social skills needed to keep authority figures and friends happy.
Try asking your child to do you an easy favor. Then reward it with a hug and words such as, “Thank you. I like it when you listen to me.” Good manners and compliance will become associated with pleasure.
5. Secure Your Status.
Even as you try to be attentive, respectful and accommodating — to a point — don’t surrender your parental command post. Instead, sit tall in the saddle, as one mom put it, by using body language and eye contact that tells your child who’s in charge. Also, rope off adult privileges: “That’s Daddy’s chair. Please choose another.”
Enforce rules swiftly and surely. “It’s bedtime in 30 minutes. Finish your game so we can share a story.” Refuse to engage in further debate, and simply turn off the lights at the appointed time. Bossy children can turn out to be popular, determined leaders, or unhappy, fearful loners.
I was struck by a case of my friend whose son was involved in accident recently. To me it is not about the accident that I am concern about but more to how it happened from the beginning.
To my eye it is a problem of educating the child. Let me give you an example how this thing can develop.
"Mommy! I want chicken rice for my dinner."
"Mommy! I want burger king for my lunch."
As normal reactions there are two situations really can happen:
1. The mother will go and buy for the child while the child stay at home and wait for the food.
2. The mother together with the child go out and buy the food and let the child do the order.
It look simple but the effect of the responses are different. The first one can slowly develop what so called a "bossy" child. In this situation the mother perhaps assumed that by buying the food for her child will eased the dinner or lunch preparation but in the long run it could develop negative attitude like being bossy. The second one however able to convey the message that the decision and the action of buying the food is a collective job. In fact in the long run it can foster the family ties firmly.
Perhaps this thing happening as the time goes by in our family without we realising it. Be careful because the single act or decision can creates something terrible in future!!!!!!!
Today I would like to share with you five suggestions by Judsen Culbreth, former editor-in-chief of “Parent & Child” and “Working Mother,” and conducts workshops for parents how to deal with such behaviour:
1. Unite and Conquer.
Strong-willed kids are often unusually bright, gifted and creative. Their parents need to be especially thoughtful and on their toes, ready and willing to actively manage them. Otherwise, youngsters — even toddlers — will sense an opening. “Bossy kids tend to work more on the mother,” notes Barkley. “It’s important for both parents to be mindful of their child’s trigger points, to agree on key rules, and to back each other up.”
2. Say “Yes” When You Can.
Children do not learn in a stressful, angry atmosphere. Before change can take place, family feuding needs to be defused. Evaluate sources of conflict. Kids tend to dig in and act defiant when their parents over-control them, telling them exactly what to wear and eat, for example.”
Be calm and firm about fewer family rules,” suggests Barkley. “If your child wants yogurt for breakfast but you’ve made pancakes, let it go once in a while.” It’s a matter, he says, of “prioritizing the nos.”
3. Pay Attention.
Studies show that demanding and defiant kids receive less affection and positive acknowledgement — and more punishment — than compliant kids. Withdrawing from a small tyrant is a parent’s natural response, but it feeds the child’s fears, resulting in more attempts at control. Kids need to experience their parents’ love in concrete ways so they’ll feel safe enough to relax.”
When I give her my full attention for at least 20 minutes a day, Mary Beth is very attuned to me,” says Jill White. “That’s when I can get her to think and compromise. Recently I told her, ‘We have a problem. You like to pick out your clothes, but I want to decide what you wear to church. What should we do?’ On her own, she suggested Mary Beth days and Mommy days.”
4. Make Respect Reciprocal.
Exquisite manners are essential for family diplomacy. Modeling “please” and “thank you,” and showing a child by example how to suggest and request rather than bark orders, preserves everyone’s ego. It also builds the social skills needed to keep authority figures and friends happy.
Try asking your child to do you an easy favor. Then reward it with a hug and words such as, “Thank you. I like it when you listen to me.” Good manners and compliance will become associated with pleasure.
5. Secure Your Status.
Even as you try to be attentive, respectful and accommodating — to a point — don’t surrender your parental command post. Instead, sit tall in the saddle, as one mom put it, by using body language and eye contact that tells your child who’s in charge. Also, rope off adult privileges: “That’s Daddy’s chair. Please choose another.”
Enforce rules swiftly and surely. “It’s bedtime in 30 minutes. Finish your game so we can share a story.” Refuse to engage in further debate, and simply turn off the lights at the appointed time. Bossy children can turn out to be popular, determined leaders, or unhappy, fearful loners.
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